Things Nobody Tells You About Depression
People don't realise how exhausting having depression and how lonely you can feel. I guess it's hard to imagine having no energy. Not even enough energy to get out of bed and socialise. One thing that annoys me the most is 'Go outside, you will feel better' and that's not necessarily true. Having depression just drains you. Depression is not just about being sad. Tonnes and tonnes of people think that the only emotion in depression is sadness and feeling low, when it's actually so much more than that. Not only do you feel sad; you feel helpless, guilty and numb. And that's just a handful of negative emotions that you feel. Depression is like a dark demon that plays tricks on you, at least that's how it makes me feel.
Nobody tells you that depression is actually terrifying. It's scary, that it can make you feel so alone and want to hurt yourself, or even not be around anymore. It really does become difficult to see a future. And I'm not going to lie and say i haven't felt like that because i have, there's no point in sugar coating it. It often seems like there is no way out of depression. I still find depression pretty scary even after my diagnosis around 5 years ago. It can sometimes be so difficult to see a way out of the illness, but you need to keep faith because you will get better - it is possible. Having both depression and anxiety is a challenge but it's an illness you can beat
Even if I somehow do get a good night's sleep I still feel tired all the time. Depression also causes your thoughts to become completely irrational, and you start believing them. You believe that you are a bad person, that people don't like you, and that it's your fault that something bad has happened. But, on the good days (perhaps the next day, even) you will realise that none of these thoughts are true.
The smallest of tasks become overwhelming, like washing your hair, doing the daily chores or even going for walk feel like the biggest things in the world - all you want to do is crawl back into bed and never come out again. But when you do complete small tasks it is a massive achievement, and that's okay. You should feel proud.
One of the main stigmas I have noticed about depression (and anxiety), is that you have to be down all the time. This is far from the truth. People with depression including me have good days, and on those good days they can even feel extremely happy. You don't have to become your depression, you are still you, your own person. And that's one thing I'm still trying to remember.
I want to end this post with this: don't be afraid to tell people how you feel, how your depression (or anxiety) is making you feel, You are one step closer to beating this, i promise. It just takes time. Stay Strong
